Shabbily filmed and resolutely unfunny, ``Zoom" reflexively falls back on poop gags when the inspiration flags, which is most of the time. He's a distressing sight to behold, not because he has aged but because the grimaces and smug non sequiturs that seemed hip in 1973 play like the early stages of Tourette's three decades on. The onetime star of ``Saturday Night Live," ``Caddyshack," and ``Fletch," now 62 and looking like Jabba the Hutt's distant cousin, has been handed the second-banana role of the team's pet scientist, Dr. Even the presence of a comely project psychologist named Marsha (Courteney Cox), a former adolescent geek who worshipped Zoom in the old days, can't turn him around. Jack/Zoom, by contrast, is a belching slob who hasn't forgiven the government for messing with his family life.
The new kids, carefully chosen to appeal to every under-18 demographic in the audience, include 6-year-old Cindy (Ryan Newman), a li'l princess with super-strength and a bratty streak husky lad Tucker (Spencer Breslin), whose body parts can inflate to gigantic proportions telekinetic teen misfit Summer (Kate Mara, Heath Ledger's daughter in ``Brokeback Mountain") and brooding rebel hunk Dylan (Michael Cassidy), who can turn invisible and may wish he could after this. Concussion (Kevin Zegers), switched to the dark side 30 years later he's coming back for revenge, and General Larraby (Rip Torn, apparently wearing a lemming on his head) and his scientists scramble to find a new team of superheroes for the reluctant Zoom to train. In the process, Jack's brother, Connor, a.k.a. The story line - pardon me while I snap together the pre-cut pieces - concerns Jack Richards (Tim Allen), a one-time superhero named Zoom whose team was long ago betrayed by their government keepers in Area 52. Seven-year-olds will find it passable entertainment, while their parents will pick their cuticles and wonder what the hell happened to Chevy Chase. Made up of leftover parts of ``The Incredibles," ``Sky High," and ``X-Men," ``Zoom" is pure Saturday matinee kiddie fodder and this close to going straight to DVD.
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